dream (3)

she tasted salted toffee and melting chocolate on her tongue, but when she opened her eyes, she found herself crouched beside her beloved older brother. “the Organization wants us to secure the ubiquitous black suitcase,” he said, as though she hadn’t fallen asleep at all. (maybe she had, maybe she hadn’t, but at the moment it didn’t matter.) instead, she clicked her tongue. “where is it?” she asked, and he nodded towards the oddly shaped building in the center of the city. “right there. it’s close enough to the ocean for us to escape from the rooftop to the shore, then make our way back to the Organization’s HQ.”

“let’s do this. how many are there?”

“at the moment? eighteen.”

“nine each, then.”

“yep.”

she felt the utmost bliss as they scaled the skies, running lightly through the air as though they were out for a typical morning jog among the clouds. they managed to avoid the crows that followed them, detonating bombs made of legos whenever necessary. even when one of the enemy, disguised as a traffic cop, pursued them two hours later, she was buoyed by an insane tranquility. even as he chased them across the rooftops of three different wal-marts, and followed them into the ocean when they swung off that last building, she didn’t panic at all. neither did he, the older one. in fact, he casually turned to her as they landed smoothly into the waves. “perfect,” he declared, smiling radiantly, and her heart swelled at the brilliant light of his confidence. she understood what he meant when they reached the HQ, entered the building, and watched as three gigantic jellyfish tore apart the enemy and consumed him at the door.

“do we have all of them?”

“i have half. Did you drop any, by chance?”

he laughed. “nope.”

she felt such immense happiness that for a moment, she thought she would burst like one of their handmade lego bombs.

if only they could do this forever.

dream (2)

i saw you again tonight.
this time, we sat together on a bus. ryan (was that his name?) and brandon were there too. the four of us laughed like best friends, which was weird because i barely knew any of you.

we all talked a lot about school, and about books, and that one film that recently came out, but none of us had had the chance to go watch it yet. “let’s go watch it together some time,” you suggested, and the rest of us heartily agreed.

and then ryan asked you what university you were going to next year, and you flipped your hair and laughed. “i didn’t apply for early admission; i’ll get responses in march or april.”

he was going to carnegie mellon to major in comp sci, and brandon and i teased him for being mainstream. “why not stay here to study that? the program’s just as good, and you’ll probably have a better chance at getting a job once you graduate.”

i don’t remember the rest of our conversation, but i can still see your face so clearly that this might not have been a dream at all. the sun’s shining through the window, and the bus we ride drives past lush green hills and cloudless blue skies. everything feels warm and citrusy…

…and in real life, i sat behind you in class, wishing that i hadn’t made a bad impression on you the first week we met. i wanted to befriend you, but we lived in two completely different worlds. you were so charismatic and affable, while i was afraid of everything…

why did you leave?

why did you leave school, before we ever talked to each other?

why didn’t you give me a chance?

or rather, why didn’t i have the courage to speak to you?

i pass brandon in the hallways during passing periods, and our eyes always meet. but we’ve never talked to each other before, not even once. and ryan – i don’t even know if his name is actually ryan, or if that was just part of the dream…

our bus was later struck by a train, but you were the only one that died.

<<originally written 1.10.14>>